Bagaimana idea untuk lagu Memori terbentuk?
What I clearly remembered was I was taking a shower. Shower di flat Bukit Angkasa ni shower headnya rosak so guna kolah je, so at times the water’s soo cool ..its so nyaman gittew. So, I remembered the idea for the chorus came to me while I was busy running waters from the top of my head. I guess, the miracle of cool water? He he ..
On a different note, I guess whatever happened in my life could be the main instigator atau pencetus idea tue, its just that nak cakap yg mana satu tue rasa tak berapa pasti. Sebab banyak …kui3
Dulu, as I humm along my so called own song, trying to find ideas …I always like the term hari hari yang berlalu …the days gone by ..atau every day, each day …mungkin saya terasa terpanggil untuk address the fact that walaupun ideally life tue macam movie nicely edited and all tetapi the reality is that we live each moment of our life, day by day. Susah senang, kaya miskin, menangis tertawa, hari demi hari.
Hari demi hari jugalah kita menjadi semakin dewasa, semakin matang, semakin mengenal siapa diri kita sendiri. So, I like the notion of I learn and becomes wiser …hari demi hari. This fact dicampur dgn hakikat bahawa, to go through each day adalah juga to go through segala cabaran dan kedukaan yang terhidang untuk hari itu. That’s why going through all of that makes you, anyone a winner, I hope, sebab to face another day takes courage, no matter what you’re circumstances are.
Setting lagu untuk memori revolves around my fascination with …what if the beautiful memories are like fireflies, beautiful bercahaya ..you know, if you see fireflies, they are very enchanting, what a miraculous being, flitting here and there, such a delight and amusement. So, I thought of, what if these memories can be like that …to light up ..bercahaya dan bersinar ..like the fireflies ..so in a way, that’s how my mind was running when I got the chorus.
Living the life that you live means that you have gone through a lot, and that means something. It means you have had to go through a lot of pain, heart aches and get your heart broken if not a few mere times. That’s why, like me …I feel like if there’s something I could do to ease the pain away, if not temporarily …sekejap ..so that I can resume my work, if not triumph dalam my next challenges. Takkanlah kita nak hidup dalam kegagalan selama2nya kan, tp where do we find strength to go that extra mile?
Could you tell me what job you’re doing at that time or are you still studying?
What I remember is that, yes, I’ve graduated by that time, finally. Graduating was a daunting task for me, bukan sedikit thought I wouldn’t have made it. I’m the kind of kid yang dalam kelas fikirannya menerawang and started thinking why am I learning all these, will these matter in life ? Huhu ..so you see, I was conflicted and had to convince myself about what’s worth and what’s not, I was in a way trying to find meaning of life so that I would turn out okay. Ha ha
So that’s s done with. I remembered maybe I was into my third job at that time, maybe.My first job was with a call centre for executive events – I was the sponsorship consultant, the pay was meager but I wanted to challenge myself to speak up and polish my speaking skills. Hell, I learnt a lot from those rejections. So yeah, there were clearly a lot of near misses there, I didn’t clinch any single deal.
My second job was something to do with my studies, some sales engineer post. My Sales manager was quite grumpy and before I know it, he threatened to resign if I’m not fired. I contracted dengue but I didn’t know it then. We went on a sales trip to Penang and at night my temperature was so hot and my heart was beating furiously plus my manager throughout the day kept brow beating me about this and that. I remembered feeling fairly stupid, hapless and soooo tired but still I managed to clock in some appointment times with some directors of some private hospital. The PA said to me, the only reason she’s scheduling it was because of me.
I managed to convinced my manager to get me to the clinics. The doc said, there was nothing wrong with me, just fever. The next day, I had enough and told my manager if he want me out I’ll resign but I need some money to get home ( I was broke and we went with his car, I didn’t get my first salary yet ..no advance allowance). He gave me RM50 and drove me to the bus station and told me that I am in no condition whatsoever to go back to the office.
I went back home safely, but I did go to the office not to say bad things bout my manager but to say thanks to the big boss and wife for giving me the job and sorry things didn’t work out. You see, the big boss announced out loud to all that somehow I’m his right hand guy. I got to know that the big boss and his wife was trying to get me a company car, a myvi to help me out because I can’t afford a car yet. I heard they were thinking of buying a house nearby for all his technicians ( on call 24/7) and that I can live there too. I kinda feel wow, alhmd.
All was not meant to be. By the time I met with the wife of the big boss for the farewell, my body was covered in red hives and it was she that flat out say that this is denggue, go and get yourself treated then you come back here, work as usual. The story was, she notices soemthing peculiar with the sales manager, re his beahavior towards me, jealousy. She’s having none of it.
When I came back, the HR told me that they had to let me go. I said okay, so I went down to go home but I stumbled the wife of the big boss on the stairs. She told me that the sales manager black mailed them, if they had another company they will give it to me to take care. I said thanks. I was cool with it because the most important thing in my life at that time was that, I was given another chance to live, I survived. So, nothing can really saddened me. I was riding high on bliss pill.
I guess, during the time when the effects of the bliss pill was wearing out, scurrying to find a job to scrap something to eat, I went back to music. Not all big time like that. I just find myself singing more (to myself) ..its soothing that way.
Could I say, it came during this time? I think so too. You see, while growing up, I’ve always gravitatds towards music to calm me. When I was sad, I always instinctively sing to ebb the sadness away and I’m almost always sad ..well, life. Just the normal stuffs, only child, divorced parents, father forcing me to study something I can’t relate and being very unconsiderate and tyrannical about it, father got ISA’ed, mother divorced again, left penniless by her bastard husband (huhu…well, he probably deserves it), finding that I had to beg for jobs cos at first I thought people would appreciate that I was the only malaysian to win the Asia Pacific Cup ( what?????) kah3 …when I’m older things are easier, I always think myself out of it but when I was younger while my father would drop almost everything else and focus on his job and my step mom being civil, I yearned for love … but then, even during those times, I always was never too sad cos when you’re a kid, you don’t think sad stuffs, you just play a lot and be happy, almost miraculously …ahhhh …kids : D
I guess, Memori was a struggel for me to reconnect to the magic of how to be happy. I guess at that time,I was assaulted on many fronts, my mind my psyche my heart. I was tired but with singing, its always uplifting. Well, I’d wished I’d be more physical, go run a marathon and do more sports but I didn’t, now I know that I should but then Memori would not have been borne . . .
So, coming up with Memori I learnt the most important thing right then about what to do about overcoming what I’m facing. I always have my memories, of good times.And during those time, already at 25 or 26 ..I have helluva lots, which I should be thankful of.
I also remember my loves. Well, I got heartbroken a few times, numerous times. I was single at that time, well most times, but I had my moments. So, I focused on that. On those tiny winy bits of pieces of happiness, of love …and here I am today, alive and kicking. No, I wasn’t thinking bout suicide then but I always knew about how I could be drawn to drugs, partying life away and getting alcoholic, just to beat out the blues out of me ..well, people have their own reasons of doing those harmful things out of self preservation, its just a scary way of doing it. I know I’m not immune to it so I was scared. Alhmd, Allah showed my other avenues to venge ..or the term would be to find solace. I guess its hard not to give up, but sometimes I do felt I was almost always on the verge, tp alhmd Allah gave me a nudge and saved me anyway.
Anyway, that’s for saying I’m a bit weak here and there but I also know that deep deep, okay deep inside I maybe very strong cos, I hav gove through a lot too. Well, this is just a note to self not brandishing it really declaring it as if ..I’m not strong enuff
Memori is still a dream come true. AG Coco made it happen for me. For years, I’ve been battling the fears and doubts within myself …about singing, about music in general. Lots of conflicting ideas about this and that.
I remembered somehow that day, as I was walking to calm myself, around Cheras. I remembered reading in one indonesian blog about how Hayam Wuruk, a Majapahit ruler used to sing at his court. He was said to have a voice as melodious as honey …gittew ..
I felt a strange enlightenment there and then. One kakak Indon yg I’m close to, bcos she sells me nice essential oils, she told me that maybe he’s one of my ancestors …like that
That’s strange cos, the only relatable raja2 story is from my mother’s side …ayah dia kerabat Jembal pemerintah Pattani Besar, keturunan raja2 Champa while her mom keturunan Megat, berdarah sriwijaya Palembang
I feel somehow a strong connection. Cos this is not my first time, I tak berasa pelik sangat. The first time was masa I skolah rendah. back then, every time I dengar, baca nama puteri Saadong and Cik Siti Wan Kembang ..bulu tengkok I akan naik ..heebeejeebesss tul ..I didn’t ask around ..well, being a kid ..you don’t how to express that …me
Then bila umur around 13 years old, my mom ‘pinjam’ I dr ayah I untuk bawak balik kampung dia. She brought me to one strange gathering at a school. They were distributing lots of A3 berwrna kuning around …nampak mcm salah silah, tp haram x de nama I. Then Tuan Guru Nik Aziz datang. After a long long while, it registered to me that this is a kerabat raja Jembal gathering. So, bila scan balik the A3 paper, nampak nama Puteri Saadong, then bawah2 lagi ..nama datuk ..my datuk married twice, my mom is from second wife ..
There and then, it was like enlightenment skit ..owh…related rupanya. Lembap kan? He he..
Tp is still didn’t solve the riddle pasal Hayam Wuruk. Though I still letak tribute to mention him on my cd jacket cakap yg kalau tak kerana inspirasi dr HWm i tak berasa confident nak menyanyi …gittew (I’m making a fool out my self aren’t I? Hu hu)
I guess I’ll never truly know these things unless Allah terangkan di belakang hari. So, when I dah resolute, yakin that I can sing, hati I jadi lapang and things starts happening in mysterious ways. I found AG Coco’s studio and I don’t know how, he decided to help a nobody like me. It took months, but you see, I’m forever amazed at how AG sangat detail mencari cara untuk always improve segala hasil kerja tangannya. He takes care of his works, he takes care of memori, my dream.
AG Coco cadang I nominate lagu Memori for produksi TV9 pilih untuk Final Idola Kecil 6. At the finals, adik Daniel Chuer Hamasiah pilih lagu Memori. You could imagine, how awestruck I was with all of these. Here I was, menjadi penonton, kepada bakat besar Daniel, with the wow stage settings, ade koir lagi! It was surreal!
Memori, came through. Came true. Became a reality, and somebody is singing it. Not just anybody, adik Daniel muncul juara keseluruhan rancangan realiti tv Idola Kecil 6 2013.I tumpang gembira sangat, so thankful for believing in me. Listening to Memori live was magical. Wow
What’s your message to future listeners of Memori?
I hope you find solace and peace, in this song Memori ..a bit, in a way. It’s too much to ask for for a song but I believe after all you’ve done and gone through, maybe a bit of a song could do some wonders to your aching hearts. Harap2 pendengar terhibur.
Any future plans?
As of right now. nothing concrete yet as I am still grappling with the fact that yes, I am finally producing a single, a lot to pull through and the fact that I’m trying to find a fulfilling day job that I could still contribute full heartedly.
There was no question of me going full on as a singer, I can’t sustain my self in reality with singing but still, there’s so much to be thankful for and for that I would like just to savor every moment of this now waking life.
Yeah, I would like to produce more self written songs but there’s no rushing. All I ever wanted was for a cd that I can show to my grandchildren that I did this …not full recorded commercialised cd even, just a cd compilation of the songs I did, so they would listen to another side of me. Then, this happens. I guess I’m more than bersyukur for how Memori turned out to be. My grandkids will surely have a laugh and have bewildered moments when I recall how the song came about and all. Stories, yeah ..stories, I want stories for my grandchildren, so that they can cherish them while I’m gone. So that they themselves will be amped to try different things and believe that they can do it too.