What I can surmise is this, kebetulan the sales manager dari dulu and recent one physically gluttonned, and has evidently low moral fibre. Once they all rase ai can out wit outperform them any way, they will thwart the bejesus of happiness outof thier victims.
In both cases, they have the contacts. In both cases the big bosses couldn’t really bat as much as an eye lid, maybe a flutter of annoyance as things didn’t go as planned, me being a pawn, usable for profit making schemes. Nonetheless amd evidently, dispensable.
A rookie, banding dgn someone seasoned, albeit bit crooked, with lots of so called contacts, is deemed valuable. And these managers, can really lie through their teeth, without as much as batting an eyelit, nor flinching and quesy. It was second skin.
The recent manager said braggishly that he lies very good and can really make people believe him.
So, 13 years apart, but same situation.
What I learn is to be grateful. I did back then, superfluously too I bet bcos I had just recovered from denggue. Soo lucky to be alive. That job, after finished uni classes, not even convo yet, was 3.3 or .5 k. Back then smua ckp, keja O&G best la dpt starting 3k above. I was mere Technical Sales Biomedical engineer. Was about to be right hand man, given a company car, a house …kena kongsi la dgn technicians tp save sewa mah ..then it all went kaput ..it took me around two years again to get just 3k, and countless jobs ..call centre at ungodly hours ( bangun pukul empat, jalan kaki sejam utk amik bas charter ke call centre at 5.45AM), at a logistic – airport related company where as pay was at 1,690) ..plunged then before to hospital besar out of KL for less than a month before deciding the comoany which was just bought over was not stable and yeah, my heart was not into engineering wholeheartedly..then into a publishing company, albeit the biggest of its kind, with bosses, politics of their own, suppressing me, one senior manager just don’t want to graduate me from probation after my 210 percent, I was worked to sickness ..and ai gave her my piece of mind ..now, thinking about it, not that she’s just a tad sadistic, tp she can’t and don’t want to lose me but extending my probation was cost saving and just means I can be under her longer, for her to squeeze ..bcos I am actually my own department ..and do report to the higher boss.
Ohh the journey these past 13 years. I am grateful to the fatty bom bom of a mere sales manager who chopped my head back then while I was starting out, who knew ten years down the road, I was deemed good enough to be called a management consultant, for me, road less travelled. I never expected it. Okay la for someone like me yg had no plan at all …strugel strugel ..huha huha ..head above water ..for a while ..two seconds ..then hurled back into riptide
I regrew my head back, all in the while when my parents, split already when I was a month’s old, didn’t give an ounce of encouragement..hindering and shaming me adalah …apala sangat nak malu kalau x jadi engineer ayah ooi !! Dah x de reseki nak buat mcm mana ..Nak kata x cukup sel otak, professor, degil la tue ..just refuse to accept things as they are ..
Being brave is about being grateful. At least my parents didn’t kill me, physically or emotionally.Much. I may have been bruised, blue black, diterajang ..lied what nots, hurted and hauled to the walls of sanity, but for the most part, it is their wonderful2 genes I carry. And for that alone, I am most grateful. Banyak lagi kena tenkiu, but let it be for another time hehe
Thank you to my friends yg dtg and pergi. To uncles and auties who at times vanishes like I am the utmost wanted criminal, just because I stood my grounds where the corporate version of truth is undeniably distorted full tilt. Amen
Thanks to the Big Guy upstairs, which I feel mcm salah je terms ni utk dipakai as muslim ..nevertheless, the Almighty Allah, incomparable and Magnanimous. You gave opportunities to learn, improve and reflect. You gave me what I need. You listened to me, even when I’ve already most forgotten what I wailed for. You were, always there, here and everywhere, for me, this lowly peasant man.
I am now jobless. I can be quite emotional you know. I quitted bcause I can’t serve a crooked man, the end will be bleak ..but I know, I could have endured a but, but linger ..play the fool ..but I have also the fear that I don’t want to train myself to just be too lowly, subservient in my meekness in the face of injustice..that people, unscrupulous people, will take advantage of me just bcos I am patient. They do, always never fails too, but I don’t endure much. Forgive me God
Thank you for teaching me to be patient. Last few weeks, recruiters called with probable offere, if ai get selected, with pays starting from beyond my wildest dreams
So, it gives me hope. Whether dapat ke idak ..to know that kdg2 we are not so unworthy just because some people decides to fuck with us. They are the ones yg ..forget about them, thank them for the ujian, yeah thank them ..and rest assured that, kalau pass ujian, there are more ujian ..erk ..there bounds to be good things coming too, insy
Thanks to the recent sales manager too, because even back then, 13 years ago, or even now, I am never too shabby at selling. It was just that I was selling myself short in the face as it seemd to me, an insurmountable rejections. But it was bound to happen. The rejections and realisations that will ping me like crazy, that I can do it!
Of course I can, I’ve done it again and again. A number of factors helped bogged me down, alas I am but a human being. Throw into that an unrequited love, so called challenging economic climate and lack of resources…but then, I had started with less …
I seemed to have depleted my sense of all-ness, but these recent events is slowly but surely galvanising unto me with a wift of hope, resolve. To start again. Breathe again ..ala Toni Braxton gittew …
Pix credit to Marcantonio from @designbloom