“How do we forgive ourselves when we cause others pain, knowingly or unknowingly?”
Excerpt From: Christopher K. Germer. “The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion.
Chris punya book is an eye opener for me sebab dia share apsal self compassion. Kadang2 kita marah kat diri semdiri, adding insult to the injury to us, yg sedang alami pain and heartbreak.
This book also makes me understand a bit more what is meditation and this mindfulness thing yg tengah ala trending skrg nie.
Being aware. Noticing the step, the breath, the food, the sensations – are parts of mindfulnese.
For me, my go to is ai ingat meditation nie apa, zikir is meditate enough kan?
Nope. Bukan suruh brehenti berzikir instead its to appreciate more malah jadi basis utk tafakkur ..notice tak, banyak guna arab words kan…sebab tur kena gali balik and cuba faham grasp the essense of it. Cantumkan semuka utk otak melayu or Malaysia kita nie.
The messege is be compassionate. Self esteem is said to be linked to narcisism, tp self compassion will make us healed and be happier.
Kita yg kena bukan semata motivate tetapi selami hati terdalam, the pain and anguish. Embrace it. Understand it. To feel okay that kita buat mistakes. That we feel sad. That we feel angry.
Tapi expressing anger can only increase it, and its really bad for us. Bukan setakat perahuntak leh nak undur tapi whole other negative health effects yg comes with it.
Jadi, x leh marah? Tak jugak.
..buat apa nak marah2 ..tue aje..
Kat bawah nie, excerpts dari blog Maria Papova yg I really dig, sharing David Whyte’s opinions on forgiveness and etc in Consolations: The Solace, Nourishment and Underlying Meaning of Everyday Words.
Strangely, forgiveness never arises from the part of us that was actually wounded. The wounded self may be the part of us incapable of forgetting, and perhaps, not actually meant to forget, as if, like the foundational dynamics of the physiological immune system our psychological defenses must remember and organize against any future attacks — after all, the identity of the one who must forgive is actually founded on the very fact of having been wounded.
Stranger still, it is that wounded, branded, un-forgetting part of us that eventually makes forgiveness an act of compassion rather than one of simple forgetting. To forgive is to assume a larger identity than the person who was first hurt, to mature and bring to fruition an identity that can put its arm, not only around the afflicted one within but also around the memories seared within us by the original blow and through a kind of psychological virtuosity, extend our understanding to one who first delivered it. Forgiveness is a skill, a way of preserving clarity, sanity and generosity in an individual life, a beautiful way of shaping the mind to a future we want for ourselves; an admittance that if forgiveness comes through understanding, and if understanding is just a matter of time and application then we might as well begin forgiving right at the beginning of any drama rather than put ourselves through the full cycle of festering, incapacitation, reluctant healing and eventual blessing.
To forgive is to put oneself in a larger gravitational field of experience than the one that first seemed to hurt us. We reimagine ourselves in the light of our maturity and we reimagine the past in the light of our new identity, we allow ourselves to be gifted by a story larger than the story that first hurt us and left us bereft.
MATURITY is the ability to live fully and equally in multiple contexts; most especially, the ability, despite our grief and losses, to courageously inhabit the past the present and the future all at once. The wisdom that comes from maturity is recognized through a disciplined refusal to choose between or isolate three powerful dynamics that form human identity: what has happened, what is happening now and what is about to occur.
Immaturity is shown by making false choices: living only in the past, or only in the present, or only in the future, or even, living only two out of the three.
Maturity is not a static arrived platform, where life is viewed from a calm, untouched oasis of wisdom, but a living elemental frontier between what has happened, what is happening now and the consequences of that past and present; first imagined and then lived into the waiting future.
Maturity calls us to risk ourselves as much as immaturity, but for a bigger picture, a larger horizon; for a powerfully generous outward incarnation of our inward qualities and not for gains that make us smaller, even in the winning.
Pic credit to Joe Suzuki, ThisisColassal.com