These two words crept back to me, from my childhood days. Entah macam mana those two words stuck with me, without me much using the words in real life in my adult years. Nape eh ..
Haha ..I am finally going through Lawrence Freedman’s tome on Strategy. Thru audiobook. Just yesterday, baru abiskan Wayne Dyer’s Tao Te Ching.
Although it takes a while, tapi just putting the ear phone on while walking, waiting is a no brainer..so, why now baru buat, kannn!
Dulu, my mp3 player is for songs. Although at times I did, I remembered that I did, tapi selalunya tak berapa best experiencenya.
So, I didn’t continue. Somehow, these past few days, things alligned, I was more receptable to hearing these lectures ..maybe it’s the topic.
Although some topic made me mcm geram je dgn Lao Tzu, tapi I find it comforting je dengau.
Now, Strategy by Lawrence Freedman, I mena, I tried reading it..urghh..tak mampu. But, now ..I can digest it dengar the narrator read it. Gittewh…manja!
Maybe bcos I need it. Some haluan. Some hindsight. Some clues.
I wonder, memandangkan KWSP pun melabur, maybe they can invest in pencarum yg buat bisnes, apart from giving green lights for them to withdraw to seed their own biz as well as survive. As far as what I understood, the money can only be drawn by 50 and yg lain utk beli rumah, bayar fees utk sambung studies and byr PTPTN.
Partly I pun tak cakna sebab I never want to further studies, nak beli rumah dgn byk lg berhutang although now I may have a deposit with kwsp, tapi PTPTN …since nak renew passport kalau tak pay diligently akan dibarred, now I can use duit kwsp utk bayar ptptn. Pandai ptptn cari lubang utk dapat balik duit, gigih utk bagi harapan pd generasi baru sambung studies. Bak kata orang, kalau tak pandai utk dpt scholarship atau miskin ya amat, bersyukur ada ptptn. So, mujur boleh bayar ptptn dgn kwsp. Lump sum terus. Whoa!
Okay, I baru je habis proses urusan utk bayar from kwsp at PTPTN,bertuah pi Chase Perdana tue wat ape…dah setawun pindah rupenya, tunggu sms and then bagi cap jari plus bawak dokumen proof dah abis blaja.
Owh, rupanya MARA pun boleh byr dr KWSP, kate org PTPTN lah, yet to be verified. Namun, gives me hope.
Habis 33 ribu. Okay, utk anak bangsa, i yg berutang, kenalah bayar.
Tapi …dari terus pendam ai will say it here. I sebenarnya kena paksa blaja engineering kat IPTA tue. Susah struggle. The best thing that ever happenned to me was winning the Asia Pacific Cup in Japan, I got to wakil uni and negara. Peluang yg hanya ada di situ. But takde rezki guna utk kerja degree tu. i tried, kena pecat. Then 2nd try, company was bought over. Whine much!
Okay, setel ptptn.
So, before ptptn, my father dictated I amik MARA’s American Associate Degree, sekali nilai mata wang jatuh ..takleh fly. Kena transfer ke IPTS. I kena kicked out, failed subject circuit analysis II. Kat IPTA later I got kicked out sebab failed paper Mekanik pepejal II ke …yg I?
Takpelah, i try to reason masa tue takleh sambung study, tukar 3 place, ayah kena ISA, mak kena ditinggal husband dia abroad ..I must be under some pressure, or just plain malas ..?
I was not a good student. I tried but I just cannot fit in. My head of dept, the Prof for one of my papers, will comment that my body is in the class but my mind is elsewhere, although I take it as an offense ..I cannot deny that to them, I am not trying hard enough ..and dilabel problem ..
I okay je. Nak buat macam mana. I tried.
But I won the Asia Pacific Cup, so, at least, I was not total hopeless case. Maybe they weren’t engaging enough for me. Maybe the fact that I was forced to study engineering by my father could play a factor ..tapi, I grew to appreciate biomedical engineering. My thesis was on thermoplastic biomedical engineering applications, earlier at IPTS, I requested my then lecturer to do thesis on the nature of electrical circuits in the human body ..which when you come to think of it, when I got to IPTA, I did something in the biomedical area gak ..but by then …I didn’t have the gumption to push for the earlier topic. Dahlah my final topic pun I propose sendiri, all the works kena buat sendiri without partner. My supervisor atas kertas je, but in terms of direction I was left on my own, which I loiike but, come on, one needs resources and support nak pull strings to get a prototype out…arggh..maybe I was not resourceful enough. If I worked harder …
But I was happy. Dua semester bagai nak gila, tapi heppy. One classmate eventually ended up marrying his thesis partner. Wait, ramai! I was left out again.
Life is unfair rupenya hahaha!
Masa susah banyak tinggal kenangan manis. Contohnya masa first time jejak and cari where the hell is Plaza Pudu utk dapat fast cash. A housemate cakap wife dia pernah letak phone dia and later amik, utk guna fast cash. I ingat, eh mcm second hand store ke ..which I rase had bad experienced kena screw kaw kaw ( haha padan muke dah tutup pun dah kedai tue..dah la tekan org masa susah, bagi murah giler then boleh kata Ray Ban ori aku palsu …nampak sangat penipu ..hoiiii!) ..
I guess, kalau betul kita nak survive we will try what we can. Kalau org jahat pun usaha gigih. Org yg buat nefarious activities pun sakan, kita yg kononnya nak buat n breathe baik2 takleh putus asa cepat. Don’t give in cepat sangat. Gittewh, padahal masa tue ambhoi mulut whining sepenuh jiwa raga …perangai!
Those susah times help define who I am today. Of course, banding younger age, masa tu ingat amboi susahnya, tapi dapat je atasi, survive pun, ada berjaya pun. Bila usia meningkat, ujian pun nampak besar, rasa down lagi ..sebab fikir, dari dulu sampai sekarang, tak abih2 ujian atau kesusahan …letih ( letih, mak!)… tapi itu semua in our minds je. Semua kesusahan tue taklah susah mana, semua tue yg Allah beri utk ikut kemampuan kita.
Senanglah cakap kan ….!!!
Ob kos teringat Goblin komen kata Maybe Almighty think too highly of me …
Gittewh …uwwwaaaaaaa! 😂😭😭😭😭
Ganbatte! Fighting yah!!!!
Pic credit to Karen Anderson’s Tiny Doors ATL, ThisisColassal.com