“You need to learn that there’s a contingency between your actions and what happens to you: ‘If I do something, then something will happen.’ ”
“The scientific research is very clear that experiencing trauma without control can be debilitating.”
“A fixed mindset about ability leads to pessimistic explanations of adversity, and that, in turn, leads to both giving up on challenges and avoiding them in the first place.”
Excerpt From: Duckworth, Angela. “Grit.” Scribner.
Sometimes, in my down times between clients, I felt a bit more than just helplessness. I try to say to myself that things will be alright and it work out but the truth is, sometimes, I refused to do anything about it.
It hit me that, it’s a reaction or response that I am adjusting to. I have to remind myself that, it may be painful, it stings…the rejections and lulling moments of indecisiveness from clients. Numbing. Painful all the same. But, when I get the job, it’s worth celebrating. It’s a never ending cycle. Some highs, many and much more lows.
I can’t compare to being a salary men anymore, mostly I’ve forgotten how it feels to be one. Partly because I enjoy the perks of freelancing, and learning and confronting challenges. Is it worth it?
At least this time, in most part, I feel I am having sort of control. In my growing pains years, whether at home or in my debutante years as a junior salary man, I feel I was wrestling with the powers that be, for even a shred of dignity, respect, and justice. Too much?
So, what can I do to get more clients that fits into my criteria? If there are opportunities of trainings, which I don’t usually do, but people seemed okay to pay me 10k a day, how do I start looking for it?
Those novice questions, keep popping up on my mind. I thought I would know better, but apparently no.
A while back, way way back, Suhaimi Sulaiman, a personality extraordinaire, told me that I can easily charge 10k a day, he insist, if I want to do trainings. But my heart was not really in it…I ..was scared, thinking like I’m a fraud ..maybe
The same thing with singing, three years ago, AG COCO told me that I at least have to charge 5k per performance or song. I ended up just singing for free, because a friend asked for some opportune slots and I just wanted to brush up, polish up ..
..I feel ..how do you call it? Scared?
I want it, but I am no greedy person. I love singing. I love sharing whatever ‘knowledge’ in workshops or training.
I like to entertain and help. Which was chastised by Ustaz X, you nak buat bisnes, buat la cara nak buat bisnes, kalau nak tolong, tolong …!! Laser! Kan dah kena ..
Lagipun, I reasoned ..climate utk singing scene mencabar plus economy down sikit. Tp, tup tup ada je dgr org doing okay kan.
For something I love, be it singing, making music or helping clients in their respective areas, sometimes I don’t want money to define what I can do.
I love my clients, even some before they went rogue on me ( ah, life!), it’s the part that delving into their shoes per se, that now I understands that, I could only help them in a definite scope, withing their given resources, so as to quantify the results I am bringing to the table.
For singing, it is for the years and years that was chipped in by all the musicians into making my songs incl. me.
I need to justify these on some times, if not daily, every f&@£ing second.
It’s okay. Business life, teaches much about grit more than I could actually react and improve. I did, jump into it without much prior planning so as to say. It was a free wheel drive, even from the start. Fun? You tell me.
I’m doing this on my own. Without my own papi and mommy to cheer me up. Without a lover to cherish and look forward to shower with gifts when the good times roll by.
Is that why it’s a tad wee bit… damn challenging?
It is, I cannot deny it. But I have secret and silent cajolers and championeere. And they all want me to succeed. So brave on, indeed.
Some, not soo secrets as in the handful of friends I have. I would like to be successful enough to make something even more successful with them, soon. Insy
Cutting how one call emergency ties or economic help from parents is hard. More so, separation anxiety. For a first born like me, I think my father wished and knew I could pave my own way, he wants it too for my own happiness. So much so my mom. But, letting go, trying to unplaster the image of the boy they wanted me to be, and just accept that I am my own man, is a process. A journey.
It was mighty hard for me. I never wanted to leave home. Even after all the kerfuffle.
I need to do this. Even as I might be experiencing difficulties at times, I cherish it and know that deep down in their hearts, both my mom and pops is solidly praying I do good, make something worthy for my life, some way or another.
I remembered being very muddy in in my uni years. I didn’t have solid answers to what is a biomedical engineer has to offer me for happiness…what is a life as an engineer..I was not inspired ..I could’t envision it ..
Although, much much later, I was recruited to be some sort of head of a hopsital besar in term of biomedical engineering, overseeing some 10 technicians, if I may presume to recall ..it was a bit thrilling ..the sort of prestige ..just because one is a degree holder and from X …but the reality was, the economy was not good. The company I joined just been bought over, to even someone novice and new recruit like me, it was a mess. Budget cuts is the least of my concern. It was no fairy tale.
That pondering, led me to take a chance on a competing offer from an award winning, world class logistic operator, and starts afresh, albeit with a much, way much lower starting salary.
So much for any fairy tale ending as a biomedical engineer. Yup, my earlier try to become one, yup the one where the manager threatened the MD to resign if I was not let go. Fine!
Do I have grit?
I am mustering some …need some ..more
Pic credit to RuneGuneriussen, ThisisColossal.com