Listening to More Than A Woman by Bee Gees
Sedarpnya lagu nie. Got grooves.
Am sifting through The Narcissism Epidemic by Jean M Twenge, PH.D and W Keith Cambell, PH.D
Not just because I find myself having issues about posting pics of myself online. Mostly, I say, because I feel insecure about my looks, my body and so on. Even on better days, I can’t find enough reason to show that best side of me to the world, to prove that I exist to the online community.
I know I am not the only one who wants to dig deeper to understand this matter better. I knew a male model who of course of his work nature, posts religiously for attention and at one point even affirmed that he likes taking pics of himself and not abashed with the title of a cam-whore. Of course, I conclude, the best ig accounts out there is of models, the so called epitome of beautiful people. Perfect pose .Perfect lighting. Great clothes. Perfect setting. Great lifestyle.
The models need it. It’s their portfolio .Resume as one could say. They know better that it’s a set up. As also when they model a brand’s new concept or look, they become someone, one with the brand. Exuding confidence and elegance at one go, if so happens that is what the creative director wants anyway.
Anyhow, people like me, with not the perfect bodies and flawless skin, lazy enough to edit and re edit the pics, find it so daunting and helplessly pressured to keep up. It’s non sensical but to the so called model colleague, keeping with times enough, every likes means business.
The digital landscape almost changed the business of fame overnight. We know this.
The United States is currently suffering, it seems from the authors’ observation from an epidemic of narcissism. In 2006, 1 out 4 college students agrred with the majority of the items on standard measure of narcisstic traits ( Campbell, Tweeger)
Fine. But pointing out fingers to say you, he or her is narcisstic is almost like shooting blanks. It’s offensive. Almost thinly respected in present culture. But the effect of the narcisstic people are abound. You don’t know what you’re talking until you are at the receiving end of the blasphemic nature of one.
Am I one, is a better question too.
Understanding the narcissism epidemic is important because of its long – term consequences are destructive to society ( Twenge, Campbell)
It is said that the cultural focus on self admiration started off with “The Me Decade” article by Tom Wolfe in 1976.
This is what I wrestle with, as a supposed to be attention grabbing talent in one way or another. I feel that it’s a no brainer that I have to produce excellent works that do become the talk of the town. Being talked about, gets the word out. If to the right crows, it could spell more opportunities but …
Herein lies the but ..
The narcissism epidemic pops up across the globe, in China there’s even a term called “Little Emperor Syndrome”. I am trying very hard to reflect this on myself.
There is that cautious warning to not overgeneralise this issue and its findings because things have their own exceptions. So, read on I must.
It’s not that I lack self esteem severely in my daily life. Okay, it ebbs and flow. Ada high and lows but on normal days and operating standars, I feel I have a basic internal compass to say that I have me and no matter what people say, if God wills and is okay, I’m okay, so I don’t usually feel the need to have added external validations or affirmations which in some accounts I would re qualify as hallow and empty and not heartfelt. But ..
As any breathing human can attest, some good validation here and there is good.At time, it feels grand. But, only if it really means something.
Americans love to love themselves but the culture does not distinguish between a healthy sense of self worth and the unhealthy narcissism that can instead result (Twenge & Campbell)
We want to help the society by making them see that if only the troubled ones just love themselves enough. True but not all true.
Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hiltons and the likes, its not like they should have practiced more self love. They have it by the buckloads.
So, what is even wrong with this cure for all, we should teach us and our loved ones with more self love. A kitten looks into the mirror and sees a Lion kinda dada ..
Some common names for narcissism, not too uncommon for us to define include arrogance, conceit, vanity, grandiosity and self-centredness.
In many surviving cultures, mothers still advises their offsprings not to brag. Tell that to the interviewers. I faced this conundrum far too long until it pained me that even back then, I was cringing that I had to point out to the hiring manager that, I was the only Malaysian to win the Asia Pacific at APEP judged by Nobel Laureates and reps form Harvard, Oxford, Stanford, Cambridge and the likes so far ..and he deemed to ridicule me by playing with words and embarrassing me with oratory prowess showing ..huh
Notwithstanding that, what about a chair person who admonished a solution I consulted in front of everyone, loud and clear, like admonishing a child because one can, I may have slipped out of spontaneity and said it was based on my intuition – the solution I was proposing, a slip I guess, I felt harassed and wanted to give the chair a matter of factly come back. My Oh My, the chair said, here we don’t work on intuition. I had to stifled my laugh because it hurted bad. Real bad. I was a former consultant with the biggest firm on that specialised niche I was consulting in the world. That firm ws then was bought over by an even bigger group that ever was in its scale on this earth. By then, I was not even an inch just that niche of a consultant, I had graduated into a senior management consultant, working for one of the biggest project in Asia Pacific before the said meeting with the arrogant of a chair of the meeting. But the chair, because of ego..just brush people aside ..it happens that, the chair wanted to bring in sort of already planned consultants of choice. Money spells some gowry arrangements. I felt wrong but those times, I survived on telling myself that I will be okay, maybe it’s better not to work with that jerk of a chair anyway. Good for me.
Was it narcisstic when I had to reconfirm my worth after being questioned like that?
I acknowledged, I always had to grow and learn .That’s why I am weary of saying that I can do it, I am good because with new cases and projects, one doesn’t know the variables in play. We are only as good as our last projects. Even that, is subjective.
I paling marah dengan bosses yang tak merendah diri enough to hear people out. It’s embarrassing kan to play politics and say yes boss walau apa yang boss cakap salah. I can’t do that, malu nanti to my offsprings. Walau apa pun dire circumstances I have to face, I should do better than that. That’s why I fought, fought for excellence. But in an environment ripe for narcissist grooming, a sanctuary of sorts, people like get lynched alive especially when I am with no real power. Those were the times, we are deemd just like chickens, no ..worms.
Why hire so called experts. To push papers and angguk saja. I often say to someone I work with nowadays that, you must not be intimidated by my so called brightness, if it is even that. That you must make use of it to make an even greater and bigger change and contributions to the larger cause. As a leader, the consequences of a bad decision is very detrimental. No matter how much of a knowledgable person you might think you are, there are such things as delegations and not to micromanage. Trust is power. You empower people. You should be happy genius and bright people are all around you,to help you. Not to toplle you down. Not after you. But to help you.
Some higher ups are scared as ape shit with delusions of people that are just waiting to get at them. Narcisstic much?
Dr Drew Pinsky noted,
“Narcissists are a pleasure to be around. They are wonderful and entertaining. They are the life of the party and can really make you fel good. But God help you if you cross them.”
True and so true. Shudders. What if I am one too, when does one knows how severe it goes in one self in the current culture trend that literally promotes this as okay? But it is never okay to begin with ..
People assume mostly that the cure for narcissism is even more self love, higher self esteem and self admiration. Ther truth is, an Abu or Michelle might be disrespectful because he and she thinks he/she is better than you are and feels his needs are more important than yours.
Tip by the authors :
No, not self hatred. You can like yourself just fine without loving yourself to excess. We believe it would be better to focus on life : relationships with others, work or beauty of the natural world.
Listening to Versace on The Floor by Bruno Mars
Do you think having higher self esteemed would had helped me navigate better in my previous engagements? I could thrive triumphantly. I don’t know. It hurts bad.
I doubted myself after such crashes so long. I thought I was worth not a dime of what dime of experiences I had already proven. I even had to struggle to story the case studies that I successfully coordinated, I wonder if even my prospects would give a damn. That was how low the blow got me. Below the belt, on the head.
Whether it’s love, or just career, the after effects are disasterous. An honest confessions from someone who had the unfortunate chance of sampling both. Hmmph ..
But I am better for it. I just hope, no matter how hard, I won’t turn into one. Huring others jsut because. No matter how much they hurt me.
My first job after my class ended, gave me 1k, before the deductions. It took me some long while, soem horrendous while to times that to 10. Even when I snatched a client with reputations of being 1st in Malaysia or in the world, it was still hard to maintain a guarantee the money would be pouring in non stop.
That journey from 1 to 10 was not smooth at all. I had been fired, although on paper it said it was mutual, it is as it is because of many unscrupulous reasons that jerk bosses do at times, me bearing the grunts. Doing good keeps you going at it but many many times, especially when nobody was cheering on me, I thought it was almost the end. Almost.
I had been dirt poor. In fact, mostly that just another definition of my careered life. I didn’t even manage to keep on my savings. To buy a car and suchs. I had to use whatever cushion I stashed away to survived after being thrown out on me sticking by my own perceived principles, some after confronting some narcisstic jerk of a boss.
Yeah, i earned accolades. Hard earned. But how can I even compare to the ig instafamous celebrities who seemed to have it all, yound rich and successful. They must be blessed in their filtered edit of a pic.
Jealous much? More of being confused really.
In my reality, I find it hard. Excellence does not translate, directly to accolades and claps from the team and bosses. People get jealous, take credit for their own, stab you in the back.
In an ideal world, with my mere prospect, I could have been a somebody. Maybe rich and influential.
But here I am, dirt broke yet again. Yeah, I don’t have to brag, narcissistic or not, that I have been successful because by God, I had proven myself, by my small standard, at world level and professional level, on a niche small scope mind, not the best in the world kinda clain. Because I did it in my given window of opportunity. I took it. Some just want me to just get by, be a puppet. But I can’t. I owe it to myself, a thank to God first, I will have to reach for excellence. I have to give back to society.
So that, my kids and their kids won’t be scared of excellence just because people said, don’t work too hard, just do so so. Then it will be transcribed in our genes, DNA and we forgot to strive harder and really have a go at making some sort of history.
Hey there’s beauty in everyday ordinary things too. But making ordinary things beautiful that takes some faith. That’s what I want. Still searching.
When rejected by clients, it hurts because I wanted to really help. I saw how I can make a difference. And I also want to eat, pay my rent, if I just could get by, please let me do something great, together. A chance. That’s a harder pitch than I ever thought. Haha ..
Pic credit to oakoak, ThisisColassal